every text post i write always starts off with me complaining about how i do more reblogging than writing so i’m just going to skip that part…..if you don’t mind…

first for some background info: next semester i’m doing research on dark matter and the professor i’m working with gave me a shit ton of reading to do over break. i literally have to teach myself all of quantum theory. yay. 

anyway, i spent about 3 hours today working on the first book i have to read (it’s also the easiest of my assigned readings) and i realized that there is no way in hell that i am smart enough to understand all of this shit. quantum mechanics is fucking ridiculous. but it then turned into me thinking about why i’m studying physics in the first place (it was a great procrastination technique- i highly recommend it). everybody always asks me what i plan on doing with a degree in physics and i think whenever somebody asks me that question they always expect something like “assistant manager of electrons at the large hadron collider” or something specific like that, and to be perfectly honest i have no fucking clue what i want to do [WOW can you say run-on sentence]. i really don’t even know where physics can take me especially because i can confidently say that doing research for the rest of my life is just not in the cards. research is tedious and complicated, and that is the exact opposite of how i’d like my life to turn out. i’m interested in physics because i want to understand all of it. i want to be able to just know everything. literally all of it. and that’s where the rest of my life comes in…. studying and understanding physics does not mean that i’m going to sit behind a desk and be a physicist. what people don’t understand is that i am going to come out of college with a vast and complex understanding of how and why the universe works the way it does (hopefully). and that’s what i’ll have to offer: my newly attained out-of-the-box thinking style (because physics is fucking crazy and there is no way a normal thought process is suitable for this field of study). so, yeah. then i got back to reading that book. 

uhh let’s see what else…. they should change the name of the show “jeopardy” to “the only redeeming quality about myself is that i know random, irrelevant trivia”

congratulations, if you read this you have just been inside my brain at 4 o’clock in the morning. i hope i lived up to your expectations. good night.